i think my tv is drunk
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
