Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
