Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
