Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
