you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
