i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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