My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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