Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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