tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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