this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
