Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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