We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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