I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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