yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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