Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
