I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
