We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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