There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
