dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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