Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
