He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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