your thong is hanging out like whoa
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
