I think i peed on brittanys purse
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
