this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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