as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
