He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
