I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
