I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
