I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
...so i touched it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
