I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
