You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
