I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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