dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
