You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
