Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
