The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
