If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think a kid would responsible me up
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
