I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
