at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
