She's JV to your varsity
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
