new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's always time for handjobs
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
