4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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