My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
