A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
