Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
