Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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