So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
