She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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