Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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