Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
